The Problem with Speaking English

  1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
  5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you



Think Before You Eat those Peanuts !!!!

Sorry for eating the peanuts
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. “I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!”
“That’s okay, dearie,” the aunt replied. “After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway.”

The Top Signs You’re Eating Genetically Modified Food

10. Your green beans are attempting a split flanking maneuver on your clearly surprised mashed potatoes.

9. Whenever Gallagher appears on TV, your watermelon leaps up, grabs the remote and shuts off the set.

8. It tastes the same, but now the asparagus leaves your
bathroom smelling April fresh

7. You use the leftover chicken as a nightlight for your kid’s room.

6. The label says that your buffalo chicken wings are made
from REAL flying bison.

5. An apple a day… cures leukemia.

4. Family of seven, one turkey — yet everyone gets a drumstick.

3. Your Ginsu knives are suddenly afraid of the tomatoes.

2. Chocchini: Looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding-Dong.
… and the #1 Sign You’re Eating Genetically Modified Food:

1. A SWAT team is ordering the Chalupa to drop *you*.