The two biggest sellers in bookstores are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
— Calvin Trillin
“A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do.”
— P. J. O’Rourke”
10. Your green beans are attempting a split flanking maneuver on your clearly surprised mashed potatoes.
9. Whenever Gallagher appears on TV, your watermelon leaps up, grabs the remote and shuts off the set.
8. It tastes the same, but now the asparagus leaves your
bathroom smelling April fresh
7. You use the leftover chicken as a nightlight for your kid’s room.
6. The label says that your buffalo chicken wings are made
from REAL flying bison.
5. An apple a day… cures leukemia.
4. Family of seven, one turkey — yet everyone gets a drumstick.
3. Your Ginsu knives are suddenly afraid of the tomatoes.
2. Chocchini: Looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding-Dong.
… and the #1 Sign You’re Eating Genetically Modified Food:
1. A SWAT team is ordering the Chalupa to drop *you*.